Integrity- the road less traveled

Wikipedia states the definition of “Integrity” as: a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one’s actions. Integrity can be regarded as the opposite of hypocrisy, in that it regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs.

Another source states that integrity is the road that leads to real success which has no shortcuts and no room for charlatans. True achievers of integrity know that it’s more important to do the right thing rather than the popular thing, and have built their accomplishments on personal systems of uncompromising standards and unwavering values.

The bible mentions integrity several different times integrity.                                                       1Ki 9:4  And if thou wilt walk before me, as David thy father walked, in integrity of heart, and in uprightness, to do according to all that I have commanded thee, and wilt keep my statutes and my judgments:                                                                                                                                                                                   Job 2:9  Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.

The next couple of posts will be about this first topic of my journey. I want you to chew on this for a while and look at your actions to see,  ”am I operating in integrity?”

gassed up and ready to go….

So the question raised last night was what or who are you a slave to? Seems like everyone is a slave to someone or something. Why is that? Are we fearful? Are we too wimpy to stand up to the thing that controls us? That got me thinking.

2012 didn’t start out good for me, and with January almost over it hasn’t gotten any better. So I made a decision last night. Before I tell cyberspace what my decision is; let me tell you what I am going through so you can better understand me. However, before I start that let me first give a disclaimer. I am not about getting pity, being a martyr or becoming anyone’s soapbox. Now that I have made that statement let me take a moment to describe my surroundings and environment.

I am 39. I am a man in a house of women. I have seen more chic flicks, Barbie movies and Disney channel shows than any man should ever see. I am not happy. I have some friends but none that I would call close. I have some money but not enough to be above poverty. I go to church because I want to not because I need to or just because I can be seen there. However, I do not enjoy church like I used to. I have trusted people only to be hurt, rejected and ignored. I have a job, but its one that I don’t know has a lasting future for me. I have a car but it doesn’t work. I am out of shape. I never get enough sleep. I have dreams that I can’t see coming true.

Yesterday I realized that I am extremely critical and negative. Couldn’t see that one coming, huh? I need a restart. If I could, I would go escape to a mountain retreat for about a month and come out with long beard and a fresh perspective. But I can’t. I can’t grow a beard to save my life. Really. So today I am starting a virtual journey. I will start.

I have titled this a journey of Integrity, Intensity and Identity. My life needs to be evaluated by its Creator and I am asking Him to take me and remold me. I don’t like what I have become. I don’t see how He can use me like I am. Divorced, out of shape in every sense of the word, and a critical spirit. I don’t need people to help me- I need His Word, His Presence, and His Hand to help.

Integrity: Character, Real, Raw, Honest, Pure, Singularity.

Intensity: Will, Heart, Committment, Discipline, Effort, Desire, Sweat.

Identity: Christian, Man, Husband, Father, Worker, Servant, Purpose.

Maybe this resonates within you. Maybe you find yourself ok. Maybe you don’t care. Either way- if you wish, you can observe my journey on this blog.

Thanks for listening to my minddust.

4.13.11

Ok, I have 13 drafts and none that I want to post.

Realize this, I really don’t have anonymity here. So what I post, my friends see. So I can not, as some do, post my true feelings. I can post them in a pondering question, but to be honest most have them been in the form of exclamations.

I will tell you this, life is not all that great sometimes. Without laughter, good friends and a steady diet of God’s word in your life it is near impossible to make it. Also all people are just that. People. They make mistakes, they create offenses, and they mess up.

So, until later- when I can make some positive comments, I will just post randomness.

thanks

4.4.11 (need comments)

I need some help and if you would be willing to help me, I think your assistance could be used towards others. I am calling out to all parents of daughters. Whether your daughter is grown up or still in diapers, I need your help. This is going to be hard. Not to admit or ask, but for you to answer. First the question, the request. Then I will qualify the answers. I will post the answers and comments. I need some replies and comments. If you want to send me an email or Facebook message I will accept it and repost here. How you comment on the blog is you click on the title of this message and then when it loads, at the bottom it will have a place to comment.

The request. I have 4 daughters. I love them with all my heart. I want them to be balanced. I want them to be successful. I want them to be mentally healthy. So… How do you teach them self-worth? How do you teach them how to value themselves? How do you give them self-confidence?

There is so many topics I can spread out here on, but basically I can’t go more into it. I have tried. 5 rough drafts. many hours thinking and rewording. Only to push the cut button and reduce it to this post. What i will say, however, is that I want my girls to have the good self-image so that they can enter into a relationship healthy and not feeling like they are needing to become someone or do something to be wanted. Yes my girls are young, but I need to have started this when they were one I think. They are great girls with so many talents and skills. They are smart, funny, and beautiful. They love God and their parents. Unfortunately, their parents have self-confidence issues as well, so they are already put behind the eight ball.

Secondly, I don’t care what you respond with, but understand this: I am a Christian and believe that parenting is my god given responsibility, and I am a trustee to these girls. You can provide a scripture, a book, an antidote, or just insight. You can tell me what you did right, what you did wrong, or what you see us doing wrong or right. If you want it private tell me so, otherwise I will share it so that others can read and use.

Lastly, I want you to know that this is not an instant fix I know, and could very well be a paradigm change for me. However, I believe strongly that we need to start working on this now and quickly. I will await your responses.

3.29.11

Liked this, but its not mine.

Ten Rules for Being Human

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1.	You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.
2.	You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”
3.	There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”
4.	Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5.	Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6.	“There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”
7.	Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8.	What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9.	Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10.	You will forget all this.

So your baby wants to be an adult…

Remember when she cut her first 2 teeth? Or when they first tried to walk? That smile from the car seat in your rear view mirror? (yes I am dating myself because now you can’t see them if you do it right) For me, it’s about snuggling on my recliner. Or the first time they curl their hair. Those curls that frame that angels face. Sweet memories. But then like some bad TV movie, it fast forwards so quickly. They start school. They start middle school. They start high school. And I know things come after that, but that is as far as I have gotten so far. The issue at hand is enough in itself. But wait there is more. In the middle of this soup; there is another issue. You see somewhere in this your child wants to grow up. At first, and then sporadically after that, you want that as well. If we are honest, however, we want it at our pace.

I mentioned before that Miley Cyrus told several media sources that she wants to be seen as something other than a child Disney star. Let’s see, basically Miley wants to be a grown up. Don’t they all? This time of finding out their own identities is natural and normal. They start questioning the reasons why. They start kickin’ the tires and checking their foundation. It’s no wonder why some parents freak out. I mean why would they care? It’s worked for them all these years, works for you and your parents; why would they want to change things now? “It’s been that way for a 100 years son, and it’s going to be that way for another 100.” rings off walls. The issue is simply; it isn’t theirs. It’s their parents. Do they think they know better? Probably. Are they being rebellious? Possibly. Is it vital that they do it though? Definitely.

Their faith, morals and values need to be theirs. Period. It can’t be yours. “Yours” doesn’t last through their tragedies that they will experience. “Yours” will not hold them together when the world is tearing them apart. “Yours” will not cut the mustard. They have to have “theirs”. It is so important for your children to understand and experience God in the first person, or the first chair. Moses’ father-in-law realized that the people of Israel were coming to Moses for everything. They were asking him questions like, “What does God say about this?” or “What is God’s law on this?” The Father-in-law told him in Exo. 18:20, “…teach them ordinances and laws, and shalt shew them the way wherein they must walk, and the work that they must do.” Basically, let them know what God wants. Then later, Moses gets the same message from God when he receives the 10 commandments in Exo. 24:12 “And the LORD said unto Moses, Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee tables of stone, and a law, and commandments which I have written; that thou mayest teach them.” Teach them. Teach them so that THEY can know.

It is so important for us to teach the Word of God to our children. They need to know for themselves the path of God, the ways of God. They need to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Deut 4:9-10 speaks of teaching your children so that they may learn of God, that they might begin to have a relationship with Him. But I think the most famous is found in Deut 6:6-7 “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” At all times, we need to teach our children the ways of God, at all times we need to be taking our children to God, or to the cross. That is where it all starts. That is where it all matters.

The issue with most children is that they do not have a relationship with God. They simply do not know Him. Either their parents do not know God, don’t follow Him. Or they have a “window relationship”. The only way these children know God is by looking through the “window” of their parents’ lives. The scary thing is most of the parents have this kind of relationship with God themselves, so by the time the perception of God and a relationship with Him comes to the child is so murky and filled with compromise it is only filtered truth. Partial Truth. There is no such thing.

So starting right now, look into your life. Do you have a real personal relationship with God? He wants one with you. God wants you to have a real relationship with Him. He wants your children to have the same thing. Jesus himself stated it the best in Mark 10:14 ” Suffer the little children to come to me…” Not a relationship through parents or grandparents.

Real.

Personal.

Theirs.

Next: Is it real or Memorex?

3.24.11

Had a great night last night. Didn’t start out that way, but it sure ended that way.

Wednesday night church night, and the world caves in. Ever had it that way? Ever wondered why it always happens right before church? So here we are, 7-year-old is crying, 12 year olds are mad and have attitude, 14 yr old is probably thinking, “My family stinks!”, wife is thinking, “My husband sure does!”, and I am thinking, “Life Stinks!” (Yes I watched Mel Brooks movie but it still resonated with me.) We are on our way to church with 5 minutes till it starts. I honestly thought, “Lets not do this. Let’s just go somewhere, talk this out.” But I didn’t. So we walk in church paste a fake smile and hope pastor doesn’t call on me to pray for the offering!!

Then, the preaching begins. “Good message,” I think “My wife and kids really need to listen.” Then about 10 minutes in, the Word begins to work. Cue the music and laser show. The word becomes alive to me, the message convicts me and I know that I needed to come, I needed to listen, and I need to change somethings.

The message was to me went like this: If you were going to paint a picture of a man, workplace, or family how would you paint it? Would you paint it of bitterness, anger, wrath and evil speaking? Or would you paint it of kindness, forgiveness, love? The choice was easy, but then the question hit, what are you painting? Wow.

So the question is now asked of you – Which are you painting? (Read Ephesians 4:31-32)

3.23.11

OK I know I am behind. Day got crazy. I have most of it written need to finish and proof.

So… in the mean time think on this:

I honestly believe 99.5% of all Americans would say that they want to please God.

But what do you think that means?

3.22.11

Man, what a day. No time to finish last night my next post about parents. Look for it tomorrow, it’s called “So your baby wants to be a grown up”.

So today I will simply say this. Things never last. Today I lost my oldest companion. We weren’t really friends, but we knew each other a lot. My mom gave me in 1991 a blender. It came with a base unit, 2 tall vases, 2 blades, two lids, and 1 small jar. It wasn’t new it was a hand-me-down, and I was grateful for it. We used it when I was a kid. I remember when I got it, I told someone that this was really ancient but it still worked just fine. I have used it for countless “Brian’s famous banana shakes” and “Clay’s extra creamy oreo ice cream milkshakes”. I was recently using it to blend up diet meal replacement shakes. But today the motor started smoking and it died.

So sorry blender, you will be missed. Today i will go and buy your replacement. It will have a whole lot more features, more safety devices, and probably be used a lot more; we all know it will never last as long as you did. You will never be forgotten.

Be a man, be a parent- intro

OK before it all starts, let me begin with a couple of things.

1. If you are just now starting to read me, great- but before you judge read the other posts firsts.
2. My intention is to be real, and honest. I know what I am talking about, I am not getting it from some book, website, blog or Facebook post.
3. I do not know it all, nor do I even know half of it all. I do know if you can not tell me where it is in the Bible; If you can not tell me you have even sat in their shoes; If you have never listened to it, or watched it- you do not know it all either.
4. I love my wife, my kids, my pastor and my God. I said “My” God not because He is solely mine or some imagination of mine; but because I have a personal relationship and connection to Him.
5. This is a start to a series

Lets start out with guns blazing.

“Hannah Montana didn’t ruin my family,” Billy Ray Cyrus recently said in his interview for the View. “Fame did.” Thank you. 18-year-old Miley Cyrus has recently made some poor decisions. She has recently made some bad decisions. She has told the media that she is more than Hanna Montana, more than a child star. She wants to be an adult. I will deal with that in a moment, first the meat.

Billy Ray in January told the world in an interview with GQ that Disney destroyed his family. Cue the blogs, Facebook posts, and I told you so’s. I remembered the last time I was told to ban Disney by the Southern Baptist Convention in 1998. People everywhere burning Aladdin, Mary Poppins, and Sound of Music. Craziness.

Hanna Montana is not the devil. Nor is the show the devil. Not more than American Idol, CSI wherever, or Fox News. The show promotes values and family values. Yes besides a few mentions of God and Creator and a few times talking about church; it does not promote Christianity. But neither do the rest of the shows. Now for those of you that have not watched the show: Miley is a daughter with a singing gift, a gift that she uses, but doesn’t want it to destroy her world. She realizes the fame would make her being a normal kid impossible, so she dons the disguise. She has a brother who irritates her and a father who is always there to protect her and places rules and limits on her. Oh yes and he explains to her why the rules should be placed. Her mother passed away before. And her father is played by her real father.

The interesting thing is the problem with Miley and Billy Ray is; they played the part for tv, but forgot it when it came for the home. I mean telling GQ that Miley should never had her 18 birthday party at a bar? Cmon man! You know she should have never had it there, nor the after parties at her producers, nor the wild time she had that the paparazzi caught. The issue is expressed when Billy Ray took stock after GQ. He realized he still wanted to be married, and he really wanted his family back. He realized that he wanted Miley to be a part of his life too. But more importantly, he realized Disney did not hold the match to the explosion of his family. He stated fame did.

He should have gone one step further. Billy Ray the one holding the match isn’t fame – its you. You forgot the basics. You forgot your foundation. You forgot to step up, be a man, and parent. The verb, not the name. Now before we get on the Billy Ray is a bummer bandwagon and burn all our mullet wigs (no I don’t have one), can you shine that mirror on yourself for a moment? Have you fallen short on the parent verb as well? Maybe not because you were jet-setting around in Hollywood and CMA award shows, but maybe because TV, sports, or your agenda got in the way. I mean have you let your job, march madness, the hunting stand, or your schedule get you so harried that you forgot to parent? Did You forgot to teach the Bible to your kids? Did You forget to lead them to Christ and teach them morals and why they exist? Did you forget the most important job- being a parent? If you did, I am in the same ship because I did too.

God calls us to “turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”

So, rise up. Step Up. Man Up. Parent.

Later- so your baby wants to be an adult.