I need some help and if you would be willing to help me, I think your assistance could be used towards others. I am calling out to all parents of daughters. Whether your daughter is grown up or still in diapers, I need your help. This is going to be hard. Not to admit or ask, but for you to answer. First the question, the request. Then I will qualify the answers. I will post the answers and comments. I need some replies and comments. If you want to send me an email or Facebook message I will accept it and repost here. How you comment on the blog is you click on the title of this message and then when it loads, at the bottom it will have a place to comment.
The request. I have 4 daughters. I love them with all my heart. I want them to be balanced. I want them to be successful. I want them to be mentally healthy. So… How do you teach them self-worth? How do you teach them how to value themselves? How do you give them self-confidence?
There is so many topics I can spread out here on, but basically I can’t go more into it. I have tried. 5 rough drafts. many hours thinking and rewording. Only to push the cut button and reduce it to this post. What i will say, however, is that I want my girls to have the good self-image so that they can enter into a relationship healthy and not feeling like they are needing to become someone or do something to be wanted. Yes my girls are young, but I need to have started this when they were one I think. They are great girls with so many talents and skills. They are smart, funny, and beautiful. They love God and their parents. Unfortunately, their parents have self-confidence issues as well, so they are already put behind the eight ball.
Secondly, I don’t care what you respond with, but understand this: I am a Christian and believe that parenting is my god given responsibility, and I am a trustee to these girls. You can provide a scripture, a book, an antidote, or just insight. You can tell me what you did right, what you did wrong, or what you see us doing wrong or right. If you want it private tell me so, otherwise I will share it so that others can read and use.
Lastly, I want you to know that this is not an instant fix I know, and could very well be a paradigm change for me. However, I believe strongly that we need to start working on this now and quickly. I will await your responses.
Dean, you have started the right way by spending time with your girls. Girls will give themselves to a man so make sure you are the one for now. Then when they are older, they can freely give themselves to their husbands—not some fly by night, prove you love me, demanding idiot.
Set rules that are for their protection and stand by them together as Dad and Mom. Talk to them, ask where they are going and with whom. They will try to divide you, so don’t make a big decision without talking to each other first. And follow through. But most of all remind them that they are not “everybody” but somebody that God created for a wonderful purpose.
It is tough when their “friends” (even church friends) are allowed to do things that they can’t but it is better to upset them now rather than try to change the results later.
good insight thanks! Love the clear message about communication and unity between mom and dad and agree that it is crucial. Thanks for following and replying!
Hi guys! I am no expert by any means, but I can speak as a dad who has raised two daughters, one 20 and one 18. It’s a real challenge to help your daughters see themselves as God their Heavenly Father sees them, while the world is bombarding them constantly with all the wrong messages about their self-worth and what it takes to be accepted and worthy of “love”. Having said that, it takes real courage to parent. I think the keys are encouragement and communication, coupled with unconditional love. Date your daughters………this is something I’ve tried to do over the years that I think has helped develop our relationships. Count on me lifting you and your family up in prayer as you parent those young ladies, OK! God Bless…..
Thanks Mel. appreciate it! Dating your daughters is a great idea!Its one I have heard before but never make time to do so.
by a friend on facebook: Dean, the most important thing that you need to share with your daughters is that their worth/value is in Jesus Christ and is not dependent on anyone else. Christ loves them now and forever no matter what. They can NOT surprise or disappo…int Him. Nothing and no one can change that. But it is constant/daily dependence on Christ. It is very easy to let the words of others dictate the value we put on ourselves. But that is a lie!!!! As a parent, we have to be very careful how we put value on our children. Are we disappointed that they got a 90 on the test or missed a rebound in the ball game? Do we let our feelings for those things dictate our value in them…the way we respond to those things adds to their perspective of their own worth….Yes, we still want the best for them and we want them to be successful, but be very careful how much stock you put in those things that take away from them knowing that you love them and accept them no matter what just as Christ does!!! and that is their value!! Let’s face, you nor them are any different after the ballgame or the test or anything else…those things really change us in no way…so, why make it such an emotional issue for the girls to try to please us when really just being them pleases and delights us. THEN…we hope that when they are secure in their worth/value that they find a nice young man that is also secure in his worth/value so that they are not dependent on each other to satisfy each other….That’s my two cents worth!!! Good luck…
Well… what a loaded question, I’m still trying to find all the answers myself… so YAY for You!!! One dvd series I highly reccommend is, “Kiss the Girls and Made them Cry” by Lisa Bevere, it is Awesome!!! Remember that for every negative our children hear, they must recieve 10 positives. The world will beat them down, and it’s our jobs as parents to build them up. Remind them that they ARE daughters of the Most High GOD, and that their worth is in Him. Instill in them Godly character, because beauty is very fleeting as we all know, but Godly character is everlasting. I believe the call is even stronger on the father (dads) to instill their worth to them more so than the mom. ( As we all know that mothers and daughters tend to butt heads more so that daddy’s and their little girls.) Also remember that we must “train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he won’t depart” , don’t grow weary, and BTW send this back to me periodically, so that I too remember not to grow weary!!! Lets run the race steadfastly!!! Also, the years fly by, so take advantage of ALlL those teacheable moments, oh and Dr. Kevin Leemans stuff is right on as well.
Thanks, its usefully for me.